By Jim Koury
© 2015 Jim Koury. All Rights Reserved.
At first I shrugged it off with the obligatory exclamation of “Wow I can’t believe that was so long ago now. Where has time gone?” However I began to dwell on the post and realized that the time period during which “The Partridge Family” was popular was in fact a very defining moment of my life.
In 1970, I was simply a mere tot of 10 at the time. Most kids my age were out playing baseball, getting dirty in the mud and well, just doing all that “manly” boys were supposed to do when they are 10.
I did not fit that mold. You could find me reading an Agatha Christie book on the porch, making candles or doing decoupage down in the basement. Many times I would simply wander off by myself for hours at a time in peaceful solitude in the woods and trails adjacent to the Susquehanna River prior to the construction of Interstate 88. I was contently happy to be a soul within myself.
Embodied within me at this very young age however was something that I could not put my fingers on. I was a 10 year old boy with an unexplainable and disconcerting love of David Cassidy and men generally.
Every Friday night at 8:30 I was glued to the TV and watched The Partridge Family, as I grappled with the feelings that stirred within me. I remember the inner turmoil and torment that I had and the havoc it wreaked on my psyche even at the young age of 10.
The thing is it was not only with this show but others as well with their handsome male leading characters. I would sit in silence surrounded by my family just thinking about these actors that I had an attraction to but was at a complete loss for an explanation as to why.
I had no idea what was going on inside nor could I explain the feelings I had and the attraction to other boys that I was experiencing. All I knew was that I was different and it scared me.
At the time my grandmother lived with us. My grandmother and I had a bond that I still have to this day even though she's been dead for over 40 years. I feel her presence as strongly as if she were sitting next to me as we often did when I was a kid.
I think my grandmother knew that I liked other boys. I don’t really know why per se, but I have an inkling. It was something my mom told me my grandmother would say to her that leads me to believe she knew. My mom told me once that my grandmother said many times to her that she wondered what would become of me. My mom would simply tell her that “I am sure he’ll be fine.” I never did ask her, but I still may, what the context of those conversations were. I can only conjecture the topic.
Looking back on all this now, I have to say that I am very grateful that I went through the experiences of my youth, and had the relationship I had with my grandmother, as they have prepared me for life and provided the mental fortitude to relentlessly forge ahead even in the face of some of the most dire and what may seem like hopeless situations. I am a firm believer that all we experience in life, many times, happens for a reason that directly contributes to pursuing our inherent destiny, even though we may not realize it at the time it’s all transpiring.
Our inherent destiny is simply the outward manifestation of the person we are supposed to become. Sometimes this yearning is so strong that the universe’s use of pain, anguish, heartache and confusion drives us forward in order to get us to make decisions that need to be made to bring our inherent destiny to fruition.
Embodied within us all is a seed of greatness. The perceived pain, anguish and heartache we experience as children, and into adulthood, is the driving force that creates our understanding and empathy that allows us to help others overcome their challenges -- their inner turmoil - and to help guide them to safe haven if they wish such guidance.
Do not look back upon your life with regret. Dispel the feelings of inadequacy due to not living up to others expectations of what you should have done or been. Our lives are our own – not anyone else’s.
Similarly our choices are our own – no one else’s. It is our choices and how we deal with our life experiences that will determine if we reach the pinnacle of spiritual, mental and physical greatness.
The truth that guides me and that which is embodied within everyone, is that every day is a new day... yesterday is gone. Trust your intuition and gut feelings to guide your tomorrow. Grasp on to that truth and never let go.
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